For many couples the Hotwife lifestyle is a marriage saver – something you might find counterintuitive considering the pain, anguish and trouble infidelity typically causes in a marriage. But the…
Is NOT the same as ordinary infidelity.
Let me explain – when someone has an ‘affair’, it usually means they’re doing it behind the other’s back. And that means there’s something very wrong between them for that to happen.
But a woman being a hotwife is different — because it’s done not only with her husband’s consent and full knowledge… but usually she’s doing it with his approval and urging!
Now, to many men and women, that’s going to make them throw their arms up in horror. And that’s OK – because no one is suggesting anyone does anything they don’t want to do.
But the fact is, having a hotwife is many a man’s hottest fantasy — and his real problem is often stated thus: “how can I get my wife to sleep with other men without her thinking I’m strange, kinky, or plain not in love with her any more?“.
And it’s a good question because the kneejerk reaction from many women is a feeling of loss and almost abandonment; indeed, many of them think the man is asking her to do it so he can then take another partner — but the truth is most men don’t want this at all. What they want is their wives to include them in the hotwiving, to the extent they might want to watch, listen, hear all about it or even join in.
Yet, it’s still not without its potential problems, especially in the early days. So, with that in mind, drawing on my own experience as a husband to my own hotwife these past 7 years, here are three tips to help make things go more smoothly:
- Always put your partner at the #1 position. By this I mean it’s vital you see a clear distinction between a sexual partner and a relationship. If there is ever any pressure from her lover to exclude the man in any way, then the ground-rules must clearly and unambiguously see the marriage as the most important thing. In other words, the lover has to go!
- Don’t expect the “same stuff”. As a man, there’s no mileage in worrying about what she might be doing for or with him that she doesn’t do for or with you. It’s not a competition and everyone’s got different likes and dislikes, and every couple’s sexual dynamic is also different. The thing to focus on is are you getting what YOU need, and forget what the other guy is getting.
- Either of you must be able to say ‘stop’. Things change, and so do people. So it’s important that either one of you has the power of veto, both over an individual man as a potential lover, a situation or event, or even the whole hotwife lifestyle. It’s a recipe for disaster to have a situation when the man feels uncomfortable about the guy she’s taken as a lover, and she, in effect, tells him that’s “hard luck”.
If you can follow these three simple guidelines, then the hotwife lifestyle might be right for you. But, be careful about your sources of information. It IS a potential minefield, and it pays to tread carefully. My wife, Josselyn, and I have been in the lifestyle for the past 7 years and apart from a few hiccoughs it’s been a lot of fun.